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Better Than Before Book by Gretchen Rubin [Summary]

We can use decision-making to choose the habits we want to form, use willpower to get the habit started, then – and this is the best part – we can allow the extraordinary power of habit to take over.—Gretchen Rubin

Better Than Before Book by Gretchen Rubin, subtitled what I learned about making and breaking habits—to sleep more, quit sugar, and generally build a happier life.

Gretchen Rubin (author of The Happiness Project) shares some groundbreaking approaches to building and breaking habits In her book Better Than Before, that will allow you to structure a happier life. And as Rubin reminds us, “When we change our habits, we change our lives”.

Rubin believes that habit formation is not a one size fits all approach. After all, we all have our differences, personalities, and impulses that often govern, and express how we respond to outer and inner expectations.

These impulses are what Rubin labeled as the four tendencies. These tendencies generally determine how someone approaches forming a habit.

“When we try to form a new habit,” explains Rubin, “we set an expectation for ourselves.” So, it’s crucial to understand how you respond to expectations, in order to make suited adjustments.

Better Than Before Book by Gretchen Rubin Summary

These four tendencies are:

Upholders. People who respond readily to both, outer and inner expectations.
Questioners. These are people who question all expectations. And will meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified.
Obligers. These are people who respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations.
Rebels. These are people who resist all expectations, outer and inner alike.

The book also emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, which will help you determine, and embrace the tendencies you are most classified under. In return, will grant you access to act accordingly in cultivating positive habits.

The Essential Seven Habits To Better Than Before:

Rubin talks about the difference between a ritual and a routine, which I find quite interesting.

She explains that “A ‘routine’ is a string of habits, whereas a ‘ritual’ is a habit charged with transcendent or superior meaning”.

When combined, these impulsions established what Rubin referred to as “foundational habits” She lays out seven of these keystone habits, that usually support other positive changes in our lives. These are:

Eat clean, and drink healthfully. That means less alcohol, avoiding sugar, and going all-in on vegetables.
Make exercise something you do on a regular, without exceptions. (Even a 15-minute walk around your neighborhood still counts, if done consistently.)
Save, spend, and earn wisely. Rubin advises us to stick to a budget. To save regularly. To pay down debt, and to donate to worthy causes.
Rest, relax, and enjoy. Rubin highlights the importance of turning off our phones for a few hours during the day. To spend time in nature, to cultivate silence. To spend less time in the car. To stop watching TV in bed. And to get enough sleep.
Accomplish more. Find ways to work without interruption. Practice an instrument. Maintain a blog. And stop procrastinating.
Simplify, clear, clean, and organized. Remove the visual clutter. File regularly. Always make the bed. Recycle. And make sure everything has a place, including the keys.
Engage more deeply in relationships. With yourself. With God. Other people. The world around you. Spend more time with family and friends. Volunteer. And attend religious services.

As Rubin points out, “We can use decision-making to choose the habits we want to form, we can use willpower to get the habit started; then—and this is the best part—we can allow the extraordinary power of habit to take over. At that point, we’re free from the need to decide and the need to use willpower.”

Better Than Before Note Highlights & Analysis

What Gretchen Rubin learned about breaking and making habits

“The first and most important habits question to ask oneself, says Rubin is, ‘How do I respond to expectation?’”
As we’ve mentioned earlier, we face two kinds of expectations: Outer expectations, (e.g. meet work deadlines, observe traffic regulations) and inner expectations (keep a New Year’s resolution, go on a solo jog or run. etc.)
Rubin remarks that habits, often eliminate the need for self-control.
Yet one study suggests that when we try to use self-control to resist temptation, we succeed only about half the time. When people were asked to identify their failings, a top choice was lack of self-control.”
That’s why a well-set of habits (as shown above) can actually make us feel more in control and reduce anxiety.
Rubin points out that, “Habits make change possible by freeing us from decision-making and from using self-control”.
“A habit requires no decision from me, declared Rubin because I’ve already decided”.
She concluded that the real key to habits is decision making—or, more accurately, the lack of decision making. In other words, just decide.
Forming a new habit takes work, says Rubin, but unlike resolutions, habits, when properly formed, can last a lifetime.
“For this reason, Rubin advises that it’s all the more important to try to shape habits mindfully so that when you fall back on them at times of stress, you’re following activities that make your situation better, not ~~worse~~”.

Conclusion

Better Than Before is a book that will help you determine which of the four tendencies you possess. In doing so, you’ll become much more equipped to be successful in starting a new habit that will stick, because it will fit you and your life approach.

Rubin provides concrete techniques to build habits in the book, including scheduling, creating “habit loops,” using external cues and finding ways to make desired actions enjoyable.

Whether you’re an “Upholder,” “Obliger,” “Questioner,” or “Rebel,” this book lays out the best methods to successfully implement lasting changes in your life. And as Rubin would say, “Don’t get it perfect, get it going. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Nothing is more exhausting than the task that’s never started, and strangely, starting is often far harder than continuing.” So pursue only those habits that will make you feel freer and stronger.