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We can use decision-making to choose the habits we want to form, use willpower to get the habit started, then – and this is the best part – we can allow the extraordinary power of habit to take over.—Gretchen Rubin
Better Than Before Book by Gretchen Rubin, subtitled what I learned about making and breaking habits—to sleep more, quit sugar, and generally build a happier life.
Gretchen Rubin (author of The Happiness Project) shares some groundbreaking approaches to building and breaking habits in her book Better Than Before, that will allow you to structure a happier life.
Rubin believes that habit formation isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing, giving that we all have different personalities and tendencies that affect how we react to both inner and outer expectations.
She calls these tendencies the “Four Tendencies,” which play a big role in how we go about forming new habits. As Rubin explains, “When we try to form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves.”
So, by figuring out how you personally react to expectations can be the key to making changes that actually stick.
These four tendencies are:
The book also highlights the importance of being self-aware, which can help you understand and accept your natural tendencies, so that you can make choices that lead to building positive habits.
Rubin makes an interesting distinction between a ritual and a routine, which I find really insightful.
She explains that “A ‘routine’ is a string of habits, whereas a ‘ritual’ is a habit with transcendent or superior meaning”.
Together, these two forces create what Rubin calls “foundational habits.”
She outlined seven of these keystone habits that often help drive other positive changes in our lives. These are:
As Rubin points out, “We can use decision-making to choose the habits we want to form, we can use willpower to get the habit started; then—and this is the best part—we can allow the extraordinary power of habit to take over. At that point, we’re free from the need to decide and the need to use willpower.”
What Gretchen Rubin learned about breaking and making habits
Better Than Before is a book that helps you figure out which of the four tendencies you have. And once you know that, you’ll be way better equipped to create habits that actually stick, because they’ll fit your personality and approach to life.
In the book, Rubin shares practical tips for building habits, like scheduling, creating “habit loops,” using external cues, and making things you want to do more enjoyable.
Now whether you’re an “Upholder,” “Obliger,” “Questioner,” or “Rebel,” this book will show you the best ways to make lasting changes in your life.
Like Rubin says, “when you change your habits, you change your life.” So don’t try to get it perfect, just get it going.
“Nothing is more exhausting than the task that’s never started,” explains Rubin, “and strangely, starting is often far harder than continuing.“
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