Better Than Before Book by Gretchen Rubin [Summary]

We can use decision-making to choose the habits we want to form, use willpower to get the habit started, then – and this is the best part – we can allow the extraordinary power of habit to take over.—Gretchen Rubin

Better Than Before Book by Gretchen Rubin, subtitled what I learned about making and breaking habits—to sleep more, quit sugar, and generally build a happier life.

Gretchen Rubin (author of The Happiness Project) shares some groundbreaking approaches to building and breaking habits in her book Better Than Before, that will allow you to structure a happier life.

Rubin believes that habit formation isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing, giving that we all have different personalities and tendencies that affect how we react to both inner and outer expectations.

She calls these tendencies the “Four Tendencies,” which play a big role in how we go about forming new habits. As Rubin explains, “When we try to form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves.”

So, by figuring out how you personally react to expectations can be the key to making changes that actually stick.

Better Than Before Book by Gretchen Rubin Summary

These four tendencies are:

1. Upholders. People who respond readily to both, outer and inner expectations.
2. Questioners. These are people who question all expectations. And will meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified.
3. Obligers. These are people who respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations.
4. Rebels. These are people who resist all expectations, outer and inner alike.

The book also highlights the importance of being self-aware, which can help you understand and accept your natural tendencies, so that you can make choices that lead to building positive habits.

The Essential Seven Habits to Better Than Before:

Rubin makes an interesting distinction between a ritual and a routine, which I find really insightful.

She explains that “A ‘routine’ is a string of habits, whereas a ‘ritual’ is a habit with transcendent or superior meaning”.

Together, these two forces create what Rubin calls “foundational habits.”

She outlined seven of these keystone habits that often help drive other positive changes in our lives. These are:

1. Eat clean, and drink healthfully. This means cutting back on alcohol, avoiding sugar, and loading up on veggies.
2. Make exercise a regular thing. No exceptions. Even a 15-minute walk counts if you do it consistently.
3. Save, spend, and earn wisely. Stick to a budget, save regularly, pay down debt, and donate to causes you care about.
4. Rest, relax, and enjoy. Rubin highlights the importance of turning off your phone for a bit, to spend time in nature, enjoy some silence, and get enough sleep.
5. Accomplish more. Work without distractions, practice something new like an instrument, maintain a blog, and stop procrastinating.
6. Simplify, clear, clean, and organized. Tidy up the clutter, file papers, always make your bed, recycle, and make sure everything has a home — even your keys.
7. Deepen your relationships. Connect with yourself, with others, and with the world around you. Spend more time with family and friends, volunteer, and make time for spiritual activities.

As Rubin points out, “We can use decision-making to choose the habits we want to form, we can use willpower to get the habit started; then—and this is the best part—we can allow the extraordinary power of habit to take over. At that point, we’re free from the need to decide and the need to use willpower.”

Better Than Before Note Highlights & Analysis

What Gretchen Rubin learned about breaking and making habits

• Rubin says the first and most important question to ask yourself is, “How do I respond to expectations?”
• As we’ve mentioned earlier, we face two kinds of expectations: outer expectations (like meeting work deadlines or following traffic rules) and inner expectations (like sticking to a New Year’s resolution or going for a solo jog).
• Rubin remarks that habits often eliminate the need for self-control, and that good habits can actually take the pressure off self-control.
• One study showed that when we try to resist temptation with self-control, we only succeed about half the time. And when people were asked what held them back, lack of self-control was a top reason.
• That’s why building solid habits can make us feel more in control and less anxious.
• Rubin explains, “Habits make change possible by freeing us from decision-making and relying less on self-control.”
• She also says, “A habit doesn’t require me to decide because I’ve already decided.”
• In short, the key to habits is simple: just make a decision.
• Forming new habits, says Rubin, takes effort, but unlike resolutions, habits can last a lifetime if done right.
• That’s why Rubin recommends being mindful when shaping habits, so that when life gets stressful, you’re relying on actions that actually help improve your situation, not make it worse”.

Conclusion

Better Than Before is a book that helps you figure out which of the four tendencies you have. And once you know that, you’ll be way better equipped to create habits that actually stick, because they’ll fit your personality and approach to life.

In the book, Rubin shares practical tips for building habits, like scheduling, creating “habit loops,” using external cues, and making things you want to do more enjoyable.

Now whether you’re an “Upholder,” “Obliger,” “Questioner,” or “Rebel,” this book will show you the best ways to make lasting changes in your life.

Like Rubin says, “when you change your habits, you change your life.” So don’t try to get it perfect, just get it going.

“Nothing is more exhausting than the task that’s never started,” explains Rubin, “and strangely, starting is often far harder than continuing.“

Buy The Book: Better Than Before

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