F*ck Feelings by Michael Bennett, Md, and Sarah Bennett [Book Summary Notes & Analysis] One Shrink’s Practical Advice for Managing All Life’s Impossible Problems.

Save

“The most liberating moment in your life is when you decide not to let your feelings dictate your actions.” — Michael I. Bennett, Fck Feelings

F*ck Feelings by Michael I. Bennett and his daughter Sarah Bennett isn’t your typical self-help book.

The Bennetts don’t sugarcoat anything in this book or tell you to “just stay positive bullcrap” Instead, they serve up blunt, honest advice on how to handle life when it gets messy — which, let’s be real, is most of the time.

The book is part therapy, part tough love, and is packed with dry humor.

This is a book for anyone who’s done trying to fix everything and just wants to feel a little more human.

If that sounds like you, then you’re in the right place.

This book is a no-BS guide that breaks down what kind of change you can actually expect when life keeps throwing you curveballs.

Without further ado, Let’s dive in.

About the Authors:
Michael I Bennett, MD is a board-certified psychiatrist with over 30 years of experience in private practice. He studied at Harvard College and Harvard Medical School. He also happens to be the proud dad of his co-author.
Sarah Bennett is a writer and comedian who’s performed with the Upright Citizens Brigade in New York. She teamed up with her dad to co-write Fck Feelings*, blending expert advice with a sharp sense of humor.

---

F*ck Feelings by Michael I Bennett, Md, and Sarah Bennett

One Shrink’s Practical Advice for Managing All Life’s Impossible Problems. [Summary Notes & Analysis]

On SELF-ESTEEM

• Self-esteem can be a delicate balance — one you can have too little of or too much of.
• Someone who feels like a loser can still make good choices. Ultimately, they just need to build the habits a reasonable person would in the same situation, instead of comparing themselves to others.
• One way to build your self-esteem is by putting in the effort to be a decent person and steering clear of unnecessary drama with judgmental people. It also helps to stay open-minded and recognize that everyone has their own unique strengths — including you.

“Don’t let your feelings define your worth.”
 — Michael I. Bennett, Fck Feelings

On SEEKING JUSTICE/FAIRNESS. F*ck Feelings by Michael I. Bennett

• Seeking justice or fairness can result in additional harm.
• Even though fairness is a noble pursuit, sometimes what seems ‘fair’ can leave everyone feeling bitter and end up hurting all sides involved.
• In other situations of unfairness, the best strategy is often to limit the damage and protect your peace.
• Instead of fighting every battle, use your energy wisely — focus on where you can make a real impact without draining yourself.

“Don’t waste energy on things you can’t change. Instead, use that energy to change the things you can.”
 — Michael I. Bennett, Fck Feelings

On DEALING WITH STRESS. F*ck Feelings by Michael Bennett

• Avoiding stress and seeking inner peace may not be entirely possible.
• A healthier approach is learning to live with stress — accepting anger when it shows up, speaking mindfully, and using good habits to manage how you react.
• In other words, you want to speak with caution, and manage your behavior through healthy habits.
• Some stress is unavoidable, and sometimes those stresses are pretty healthy for your well-being. In her book, The Upside of Stress, health psychologist, Kelly McGonigal points out that stress isn’t always harmful — in fact, how you think about stress can dramatically change how it affects you. Although some types of stress — like fear and anger that disrupt your daily life — require special consideration, and they can often be managed with the right support and strategies.
• Severe anger, even between people who generally love each other, can’t always be fully avoided. Therefore that energy should be better spent avoiding situations that test each other’s patience. Also, it’s helpful to have strategies in place to manage anger fueled by hatred.
• If irrational fear is stressing you out, try sticking with habits that keep you productive anyway — over time, that can actually ease the fear. Though at the end of the day, stress is only harmful if you believe it is.

“Instead of trying to avoid pain, learn how to navigate through it.”
 — Michael I. Bennett, Fck Feelings

On RELATIONSHIP F*ck Feelings by Michael Bennett

• Finding love and maintaining healthy relationships, can be tough — especially when unrealistic expectations get in the way.
• It is also important to remember that change is only possible for people who want to change. And it’s equally important to know that sex should not compromise a person’s priorities and happiness.
• Some people like to talk things out, while others just aren’t wired that way.
• Some people thrive on constant communication, while others are just naturally more reserved.
• Healthy communication however, should have limits and respect for both parties.
• Some people believe more communication is always better and expect it from everyone. While others find too much talking draining and think it often leads to blunt, and sometimes hurtful honesty.
• You can’t force someone to communicate more than they’re comfortable with — especially if they’re naturally quiet. Pushing them will only makes things more uncomfortable.

“Your feelings are like waves; they come and go. Don’t let them drown you.”
 — Michael I. Bennett, Fck Feelings

On PARENTING F*ck Feelings by Michael Bennett

• Parenting naturally comes with some stress — there’s no way around that.
• Parents can do their best to minimize risks, but they shouldn’t beat themselves up when a situation doesn’t go as planned or when things are unavoidable.
• It is best for parents to be cool-headed in a disagreement with a child. As the Bennetts points out, “The goal of parenting isn’t perfection, it’s survival with your sanity intact.”
• Parents should also limit how responsible they feel for a child’s decisions and remain positive, grounded, and mature regardless of how well the parent/child relationship is going with your kid.

“You can’t make your kid be happy, successful, or even grateful — you can only do your job as a parent and hope for the best.” — Michael I. Bennett, Fck Feelings

On THERAPY F*ck Feelings by Michael Bennett

• Therapy is an option for individuals who can afford it.
• Other more affordable alternatives include exercise, an improved diet, support groups, and having supportive friends within reach.
• You’ve also got to accept that life’s tough sometimes, and those frustrating moments are actually clues pointing to what you can change. Sometimes it’s not about trying harder or waiting longer. A small shift in how you see things, such as your habits, mindset, or expectations — can be what finally moves the needle. As Stoic philosopher, Epictetus reminds us, “It is not the event itself that troubles us, but the meaning we attach to it.” So change your thoughts, and you change your experience.

“If you’re expecting therapy to fix your problems, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. What it can do is help you figure out how to live with your problems and still function.”
 — Fck Feelings by Michael Bennett

On DEALING WITH ASSHOLES F*ck Feelings by Michael Bennett

• Unfortunately, assholes are everywhere. They often manipulate, push buttons, and don’t really care how their actions affect others.
• The best move is accepting the ones you can’t avoid — and avoid the ones you can. Don’t waste your time trying to reason with them. They usually know exactly what they’re doing. The most important thing is to protect your peace: set boundaries, don’t take the bait, and keep your distance when you can.
• Dealing with an Asshole is difficult because logic is ineffective in convincing them how much harm they cause. These people often know how to push the buttons of people around them and they enjoy doing so.
• Under those circumstances, finding common ground and setting limits on the relationship is essential.

“Where you see moral choices and harmful consequences, Assholes see disrespect, intense needs, and the right to defend themselves against injury and injustice every time those needs are frustrated.”
 — Michael I. Bennett, Fck Feelings

To wrap up, F*ck Feelings teaches us that life’s not always going to be fair, and our emotions aren’t always rational. sometimes there’s no clean solution to the challenges we face, but that doesn’t mean we’re powerless.

The real strength comes from letting go of what we wish life could be and facing what is with honesty, grit, and practical action.

Instead of chasing after happiness or trying to fix every feeling, the book shows us that the real power is just showing up and doing what makes sense — even when it’s hard.

It’s not about fixing every feeling, instead  it’s about learning how to live with the messiness and still keep moving forward.

---

If these key takeaways resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it. Also, Subscribe on Medium for more insights like this — be the first to read my next post on growth, vulnerability, and navigating life’s ups and downs. 💬 Follow me Threads/IG too

👇 If you’d like to support me in other ways, you can buy me coffee down below! I appreciate all the support. ☕🍵

Save