Choosing Peace Over Payback: The Wisdom of Not Repaying Evil for Evil
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. ― George Carlin.
I read a story recently about how, back in ancient times, when people wanted to kill a bear, they would do so by hanging a heavy log over a bowl of honey.
The bear would go for the honey and push the log out of the way — but when it did, the log would swing back and hit the bear.
The more the bear pushed, the harder it got hit, until eventually, the log killed the bear.
That story stuck with me.
I think about it anytime someone comes at me with negativity or tries to push my buttons.
I used to snap back and lose my cool, but all that did was make things worse.
That’s when it hit me — fighting anger with more anger just adds fuel to the fire — leaving lots of wreckage behind.
Mark Twain once said that “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
So every time you let yourself get pulled into an argument, realize there’s a little bit of your peace that slips away from you.
Engaging in pointless arguments or pointing out someone else’s flaws — especially when we’ve got our own — is rarely worth the time or energy.
As Stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius wisely said, “”You don’t have to have an opinion.”
We’re not here to judge others; we just need to accept them as they are — with all their flaws.
The German writer, Goethe said it perfectly: “If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. But If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”
So it’s really up to us.
An event itself is objective.
How you describe it — whether it was unfair or that they did it on purpose — that’s really on us.
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There’s a powerful lesson in the story of Malcolm X that really sheds light on this.
X went to prison as Malcolm Little — a street hustler — and came out a completely transformed man, ready to fight for justice and equality.
Did he suffer while locked away?
I believe he did.
So did Nelson Mandela, who spent 27 years in prison for something he didn’t do.
And yet, both of them chose to turn their pain into purpose.
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Don’t repay evil with evil, because doing so creates a downward spiral that’s only waiting to unfold.
Civil rights leader and activist Martin Luther King, Jr. understood this truth when he said, “The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral.
Returning violence for violence only multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.”
By forgiving yourself for being too hard on yourself over those years — and forgiving others too — you then free yourself from the weight of resentment, regret, and the endless cycle of self-blame.
As author Ryan Holiday puts it, “You weren’t made for this kind of environment — to be constantly provoked.” And when we give evil nothing to oppose, it will disappear its own.
Now’s not the time to get worked up over a situation.
Instead, try responding with kindness — even toward those who do harm — because reacting with anger rarely makes things better.
As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
When we take that to heart, we strip away the satisfaction evildoers get from causing harm.
By choosing compassion over rage, we shift the energy, we shift the vibe — and ourselves — in a better direction.
“When I despair,” expressed Mahatma Gandhi, “I remember that all through history; the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it — always.”
So why waste our energy getting angry at situations that are beyond our control?
If you want to be part of this nonviolent movement, here are a few simple but powerful ways to start:
- Catch yourself before reacting to any kind of violence with more violence.
- Make a quiet promise to be an instrument of peace — just like so many of our spiritual teachers and leaders have taught us over the years.
- Commit to doing the inner work every day. Doing so will help you show up more calmly and compassionately in the world.
- Before firing back at that nasty comment or getting swept up in anger, take a pause.
- Meditate, practice yoga, practice Pilates, read something uplifting, go for a walk, play with kids or pets — whatever helps you reconnect with peace, joy, in the present moment.
An Affirmation for the day:
Today, I will honor everyone’s unique way of living. I’ll check in with my inner child and listen to what they need. I’ll show up with love and gentleness — for myself and for others.
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. Every bit of encouragement means the world. Thank you for reading.
Photo credit: Bear Photo by Janko Ferlic